Photo by Robert Parker
Portion control? What the heck is that?
I understand that it’s a couple of regretfully given numbers on the side of the box, but what teen is going to slow down long enough to measure out 13.2 grams of M&Ms? Or 26 Cheetos? No, a serving size is family-sized boxes of cereal, bags of chips, king-sized candy bars, and liters of soda all disappearing into that bottomless black hole called youth. In our defense it’s not our fault, all we know is that we’re hungry all the time and must FEED.
Don’t be fooled, the real vampires are teens.
I feel bad for the adults who have to look on longingly, the struggle with their carefully developed restraint as they watch us inhale mountains of food. The twitching hands at their sides that look as if they’d love to grab the the deep fried, cheese-drenched chimichanga from our hands. The only thing that keeps me from laughing is the knowledge that that will be us someday. When we no longer have the rigorous enforcement of team sports, our metabolisms give out like old motors, and our bodies begin to grow soft and ripply. Then it’ll be our turn to watch in wanting agony from the sidelines as the new generation takes our place.
Though, if you think about it, youth are hungry all the time because they constantly need energy, which instead of gargantuan bags of chips has been replaced by monolithic cans of energy drinks. This, too, will change as we get older. It evolves from canned drinks to energy shots, to eight cups of espresso throughout the day and finally to caffeine pills.
Just watch, we’ll be the most lively generation of 80-year-olds the world has ever seen.
By NIKKITA WALKER
