I write this not as a means to cure what millennials call depression, but to simply address the fear and hatred that plague my character.

The question that each generation faces, “Why am I unhappy?” seems to be a repeating societal focal point centered around the common misconception of depression. While still a clinically diagnosed disease, in a sense, this form of depression lays a thick blanket overlapping any underlying issues rather than addressing the problem at its source. Many of my peers seem to scream depression and anxiety while putting in minimal effort which in its own is simply a conflict of thought as how does one feel stressed about something but yet not simply care all together?

In my dealings and networking, I have bridged gaps listening to both young and old alike, however one common occurrence links every age demographic. Many claim to be free-spirited, fleeing from the contact of another, yet these individuals seem to be the most plagued. Why is that? Is it a lack of simple parenting, a lack of proper social skills watered down and distorted to the point of simply being nonexistent? Or maybe a rapid spur and growth of the digital age simply pollutes the mind of many teens and adults alike? I believe it’s a combination of all three.

In my statements to follow, I address what my personal conflicts are. However each individual must conquer any resentment and mental hindrance that lies within his or her soul with whatever means necessary. This in turn would allow any person to truly understand the same personal conflicts. However, in failing to do so, an individual succumbs to the cruel cycle that is life, in which they either fight bitterly to survive or simply keel over, giving way to pressure, withering away to nothing or simply dying. Many people in my dealings like to describe these chain of events as a gray area, however, in reality, the flight or fight response is quite simply black and white. My cognitive development is still progressing and therefore is often characterized to what many call phases and therefore everything pertaining to me is within the moment to say the least. Primarily, I am at a loss for words as to what my “issue” is. My problem seems to stem from the abyss of loneliness, but after three years of rejection and internal disgust, I managed to find someone who appreciates me and would accompany me in this social construct that is a high school relationship. However I’m still relatively unhappy. Why is that?

The problem seems to be internal, as I can produce and show the emotion towards others, but to “love others is to love oneself”- a fairly simplistic message with a very daunting meaning. It’s hard to put into words but I feel disgust towards myself. Not on my physical stature and strength or intelligence, but in terms of those qualities that ultimately define a man in societal terms, which is a problem on its own. Greed seems to be the largest threat to my stature and character and defines so much of what I do. While impossible to describe by itself, a description can be found within context and examples. Greed springs from the deep bowels that plague the souls of man. I, while never fully acting upon, always define myself based on the success of others a truly double-edged sword- it puts myself down but builds me up as a constant motivating factor.

I’d like to base the next example off the actions of a beloved friend and will simply address her as “Mayo.” This amazing individual is not only is talented and beautiful, among other attributes I need not say, but primarily is my rival and I am proud to address her as such. She maintains amazing grades and high standards in work, but my success is ultimately measured on her amazing feats, whether it be a high ranking position or what have you. Unfortunately, these accomplishments of others downgrade my own creating, and in my mind entail failure. Family problems are not something I deal with on a day-to-day basis, however many millennials were failed by the lack of initiative their parents had set for them. In my series of unfortunate “psychiatric analysis” as some have called it many individuals that seem to parade their bodies have extremely hostile internal environments as ultimately an individual is a product of such. People who parade themselves often lack a strong nuclear family either through an absent parental figure or simple neglect in their eyes. Children seem to strive for that acceptance via parading to their significant other in the glory of the moment or striving for acceptance that they lack in parental and know they’ll find it among outcasts and lessors of our generation.

This last issue is my Achilles heel and will continue to leech upon my empathy however I write this so others do not face the same fate. Empathy while a major trait to have burdens the soul beyond belief. I know for myself nothing is more draining than to address one’s problems and it quite simply turns into a major endeavor that consumes you and the ones around you. This problem is monumental to conquer and the sad thing is it’s not even your own problems; its others’ problems that weigh upon your shoulders mentally blocking you and stemming from that many other problems previously addressed. As my father has come to say a friendship should require no effort you should be able to go months without talking and upon revival pick right back up from where you left off, no strings attached. I have grown all too familiar to the typical abuse that comes from burdening others but receiving no positive feedback in return. They burden you, leave you, and then return upon the slightest accusations and problems. To those who take the moral high ground choosing to be outspoken rather than listened too, you suffer internally and only you have the ability to address it, those who face problems with having poor abilities to increase your friends circle it comes down to fight or flight. Do you have the ability to say no to a friend who abuses you or do you stand up and cut them from you? Do you have the ability to face them afterwards? Are you prepared to face the whiplash that comes with it but experience the tranquility of an unburdened mind? That is only for the individual to know and for them to solve it or simply keel over from pressure and retreat into the compounds that is millennial depression.

by LUCAS CASTRO